The Coal Black Sea

The coal black sea waits for me. As I stand on the sea wall defiant I am master of my feet and it will not claim me today, but it waits. The coal black void meets the velvet of the sky somewhere on a horizon I can't see and the deranged emptiness of it all calls, inviting me to find that curious mist-line. Where does the sea meet the sky? Where does the ocean bridge to heaven? Well, I am not fooled after all; the riddles are alluring, but the sea is the sea. I am no god, the water will not congeal for me and I would never make that far shore of heaven. Not like this. Not warm, not red with blood, not flushed with the chill of night. Not now, it's still my own decision, so I stand defiant.

But the coal black sea waits forever. Sure, it changes, night to day, cold to warm, black to blue, ad infinitum. Everything changes. I myself will step down from this wall in a matter of minutes, choosing the land for now and returning to life. Time will pass. I will change. Life will change. Perhaps even death will change, retreat a little from science, but I doubt it&emdash; the coal black sea waits forever. Tornadoes may run up and down the coast, hurricanes may rip the sky, but the sea remains the same and it waits.

For you the coal black sea holds no terror. Ashes to ashes, I saw you today set forth across the sea. It was a solemn ceremony, a good ceremony. You'd have liked it, despite the jokes I could nearly hear you telling&emdash;"You said smoke would be the end of me." Then they scattered you across the waves, and you left for the horizon on the waves' good time. Where are they now? Did the ashes make it with you to the stars? No, as ashes they must have sunk.

I watched you as far as I could. I take solace in knowing that it is not a violent route. I am glad I came tonight to see you off and saw the sea as it must have been for you in your night. As threatening as it is to me now, I steel myself and look beyond the perversion of time the void offers and it is beautiful. I am glad knowing you had a serene end, and a clear view of the stars.

In some future day I too will die. For you, the threat is gone, the toll exacted. But I have yet to say goodbye; I must endure the sea's siren song for a while yet and wait. It calls so strongly now, in your voice, in the emptiness you've left, in the waves' promise of eternity. I will be back, and I will meet you in the stars. The final change will come over me and I will wake up, as you must have, knowing nothing more can change me, and nothing more can hurt. Knowing that nothing more, no one more, can be lost. I'll walk out of the house and come here. It's five miles and a little more, but I've got time&emdash;nothing more can change. I'll stand here on the wall, right here, and cross it. Briefly, I'll glance at the stars, then I will drop down to the strand and keep walking. On that night I'll walk upon the waves and bridge the mist-line to heaven. It's a lot more than five miles to the stars, but I'll have the time.